20/100 (a Non-Bucket-List Bucket List) -or - I am A Work in Progress

1.  Birth at home with no one there but me & The Dad & Jamie (& maybe Trent)
2.  Produce (at least) 50% of what we eat from my own land
3.  Take a workshop with Ina May
4.  Catch a baby other than my own
5.  Girlfriend Southwest hot springs road trip/tour
6.  Assist for Manouso Manos
7.  500 Hour Iyengar teacher training
8.  Study with BKS Iyengar in Pune
9.  Fall in love without fear
10.  Look in the mirror without judgement
11.  Have all my metal fillings replaced with non-metal
12.  Hike the Appalachian Trail
13.  Learn Sanskrit
14.  WOOF (Italy, New Zealand, Chile...)
15.  Family trip to Africa
16.  Yearly Hawaii trip to visit Crazy Uncle Jim & the spinners
17.  Swim with whales
18.  Learn to surf (for real)
19.  Bees!
20.  Apprentice (to lead sweat lodges (and then actually lead them!)) with Tim

Would I really be incomplete if I didn't do any one, five, or all twenty, of these things?
I doubt it.
The point is to Live Big.  Live For Real.  Risk it all & Trust.
These are all just access points.  To love & enjoy this (precious) world; this (precious) life.

I love what Misplaced Mama says:
"Manifestations comes from seeing all the flowers in front of our eyes right now. Saying thank you during each step. Throwing away our lists. Burning our vision boards. Destroying The Secret. The secret is this! Don’t keep any secrets. Say thank you and please while you’re at it. Enjoy the jeans with the holey crotch. Buy new ones when you can. Smile at the mess in the living room and stop looking in other people’s windows and wishing. Stop thinking about the life you always thought you’d have and live the one you got."

So, some gratitude, while I'm at it:

1.  Trent (Trent, always Trent)
2.  Living here
3.  Him & Him & Him
4.  Yoga
5.  Making my living loving people
6.  Still having friends I've known my whole life
7.  Water
8.  Growing up at Tassajara
9.  Living most of my life in places that get (really) dark at night
10.  All those who throw caution to the wind & do what they love (most)

Big Love.

June, July, August, September -or- Life is Good

Mama-Love

Wild-Haired Artist-Boy

Held

Blossoming

Grateful For

Unbearable Lightness of Being

Moooooooo

Big Guy!

Tender

Turtle-Friend

The Last Moon Before He Came Home

Mimi's

Advent Calendar - Traditions Part 1

This year my Little Dude is old enough & I wanted to begin creating our family holiday traditions.  An Advent calendar being one.  I'm not totally sure why, because it's not something I have so many amazing memories of...  Though, one year I did have an Advent calendar that had a small, plastic figure behind each day's door (instead of chocolate), and each figure made up a piece of the Nativity scene (baby Jesus in a manger topping it all off).  My mom & I loved it (she painted a small night scene to go behind it & we put it together each year, and she still has all the pieces), which is a little odd because we're Buddhists...but, whatever...

Anyway - last year I had this brilliant idea to sew an Advent calendar:  basically a square of fabric with 25 pockets - so we could have something lasting, instead of buying a new calendar each year (and only ever getting chocolate - not that I don't love me some chocolate).

This year, I still had that same brilliant idea...but nothing started & no time to make one anytime soon.

I should mention:  I am not a sewer.

My mother, however, is.
(thank you Mom!)

And, with a little help from me with regards to fabric, color, shape & size (a lovely natural canvas, durable, but not too stiff & about 32"x42"), she whipped one right up - and helped me fill it with all sorts of fun treats for Trent:

It's hung on a dowel rod, with two small, wooden knobs to cover the ends.  The red, velvet ribbon is the finishing touch.

I am *thrilled* with the results!

I had originally planned on cutting the numbers out of various scrap fabrics I have laying around.  But, looking at this beautiful, simple creation, I just didn't want to make it into something chaotic.

So we bought some gold fabric paint & a set of stencils, and viola!
(sponging the paint has worked way better than using a brush, but I still have to be careful not to over-saturate, because then it bleeds under the stencil & instead of a lovely number, I've got a big blob)

 

This year Trent gets to choose one pocket each day - any pocket that he hasn't picked yet - and I am stenciling the numbers to follow his pattern.  It makes the numbers wonderfully random, but also meaningful (this was also my Mom's idea.  She's good like that).

Next year, and forever-after, he can follow the numbers.

So far, he's really enjoying choosing each morning, but isn't paying much attention to the calendar otherwise, which I'm grateful for.

I'm not telling him about Jesus or St. Nick, or even Christmas - just Advent.
Not quite sure how I'm going to broach those subjects when they come up...

Counting Our Blessings :December 6:

 Breakfast on Daddy's lap...

...and reading with Grandma & Grandad

Back In The Saddle

(Thanks to the December '10 Photo Project)

1.  For the first day of Advent - Trent gets a cow!

(playing catch-up, since I'm starting on the 2nd)

2.  A Boy & His Toothpick

Why?
Because my little guy is too cute for words.
Because I remember this time of year as magical.
And it is becoming so again...

This, That & the Other

My little music maker now plays the harmonica, and well.
(I'll try to post a video soon)
He just astounds me.  Every musical instrument he finds, he picks up & learns to play in minutes.  He is a genius - I'm sure of it :)

I liked the guitar & I am very into his drum playing.
But the harmonica, I think, is my favorite yet.
My boy can play the blues!

At the same time, my heart is breaking.
Aching.
I am sure of almost nothing these days.

(Trent just woke up in the middle of my writing, so I went in & we snuggled & nursed & I smelled his wonderful baby head & listened to him breathing & all was peaceful.)

In a world that made sense, The Dad & I - we would still be living together.
We would not hurt so badly around each other.
We would not scramble through the same damn maze, over & over again, only to find ourselves in the same damn dead end, with no fucking cheese.

Love, we are learning, is not enough.

I am praying more & doing yoga.
Reading Mary Oliver:

Wild Geese 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

And, so, I have begun my yoga teacher training.
It is intense & challenging & full & bright & exciting.
I like being a student again!

What a beautiful, broken, blessed world...

This morning...

...I thought I was going to go *crazy*!

Please, baby, please:  just sleep for a few more minutes!
Please, baby, please:  stop kicking me in the gut!
Please, baby, please:  eat one more bite of eggs!

(stop crying for one minute, sit still, take your medicine, and (for G-d's sake!) go back to sleep!!!!)

And, the house is in complete chaos, the dishes need to be done, there are books & toys *everywhere*, I'm still hungry, I'm tired, I don't want to sleep, we are getting a new street & the noise & the smells are awful...  I could go on.

So....

::10 Things I am Actually Grateful for Right Now::

1.  The baby is sleeping
2.  The baby is sleeping
3.  The baby is still sleeping
4.  The cup of blackberry/sage tea I am brewing for myself (with milk & honey)
5.  Stone fruit season is here
6.  An afternoon off last Tuesday (went to see Iron Man 2.  Brilliant.)
7.  Yarn (and knitting)
8.  All the Beautiful Blogging Mommas out there (so I know I am not alone)
9.  Creativity (mine & others - even when I judge myself for not doing enough, I am glad someone is)
10.  Hot water (I'm going to take a shower now)