Every time I think I'm starting to get it - this life, or my life, or being a Mama, or how to be happy, or whatever - figured out. Well, to be kind, let's just say that's usually when all hell breaks loose.
Luckily I seem to be getting more adept at sitting in midst of chaos & letting it burn. Burn up this crazy ego of mine that wants everything exactly the way I want it, and NOW. Have I mentioned before I hate not getting what I want? That I hate not getting my way? That I can be an absolute child about having to consider other people?
Yeah. Super-fun. Especially since I'm the Mama now & there is an actual child in the house. Also demanding to get his way, and NOW!
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And, am I surprised that my child is intense? Is prone to fits of rage? Throws & hits & screams in frustration?
Nope.
He is my child after all. And his Dad's. And we are, neither of us, smooth & peaceful creatures. We both carry in us that heat; that spark; that iron & steel. We are instigators; lighters of fires. It is only in the past few years I have even begun to discover the (much vaster) potential of water; of love; the power in being capable of flow.
For the past two years, Trent has been teaching me almost daily: Open Mama, open...
Any place I'm rigid, he breaks me {open}.
His love is so big. I am humbled.
Who am I that I get to be his Mama?
As Marianne Williams says: Who am I not to be?!?
An endless journey into Not Knowing. Trusting. Learning. And letting go...
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