Monday, August 4, 2014

Iara's Words - 19 months

Tent - Trent
Sissy - Sister
Brodo - Brother
Hat - Hat
Shoo - Shoe
Howse - House
Sock - Sock
Shrt - Shirt
Pants - Pants
Fud - Food
One, Two,
Mah - More
Ah Dun - All Done
Abo - Acabado (All Done)
Down - Down
Foof Foof - Dog
Mow Mow - Cat
Nasis - Nariz (Nose)
Nana - Banana
San - Song
Pease - Please
Sowy - Sorry
Tanks - Thanks
More - More
Alalala - Orelha (Ear)
Boca - Boca (Mouth)
On - On
Off - Off
Mao - Mao (Hand)
Dence - Dench (Teeth)
Lala Boo - Iara Blue
Tesa - Testa (Forehead)
Agua - Agua (Water)
Bukesha - Kombucha
Sawsouce - Sausage
Onge - Orange
Sat - Sit/Sitting/Sat
Oyou - Olho (Eye)
Pe - Pe (Foot)
Pehna - Perna (Leg)
Peito -Peito (Chest)
Nurse - Nurse (Also Breast)
Back Pack - Backpack
Bushesha - Bochecha (Cheek)
Hep - Help
Hot - Hot
Hottee - Hot Tea
Cokee - Coffee
Carru - Carro (Car)
Bej - Beijo (Kiss)
Bebe - Bebe/Baby
Ouch - Ouch
Boots - Boots
Cut - Truck
Hair - Hair
No - No
Hi - Hi
Dow-Dow - Ciao-Ciao (Goodbye)
Cama - Cama (Bed)
Seeping - Sleeping

(The ones with a word in parenthesis are Portuguese)

Monday, June 2, 2014

Tretn Teaching Iara to Play Basketball

There are times I doubt myself as a Mother.  And then I remember:  I gave them the best gift possible.  I gave them each other.

Real Hero

-Brian Andreas (

To My Sisters, by Monica Day

I heard this poem recited on a recording of an intensive for women & the power of it hit me so hard I had to pull my car to the side of the road & cry for 5 minutes. I cried again reading it on her website 

I believe we are at a new crossroads as women that *includes* absolute gratitude for the Feminist Movements that have come before; that *includes* absolute gratitude & Respect for the women who are our mothers & grandmothers & aunts & great grandmothers (and their male allies), and ALL that it took for those women to rise & create the future we live in now.

AND, it *includes* the next step, which is so vulnerable: to take each other's hands; to own, as she says, that 'we are the motherloving majority' & that our rights cannot be taken from us when we are truly united....

To My Sisters, By Monica Day

*as performed at the Unite Against the War on Women rally in Harrisburg on 4.28.12.

Welcome my sisters
to Unite Against the War on Women
I come here today based on just one word, UNITE
I come here to give voice to our struggles, our victories, our defeats
I come here in celebration of our potential
in memory our ancestors
in honor of our children
I come in love
But I also come to this unique point in time
when the present feels like the past
when the future feels riddled with
ancient problems re-surfacing
and if I am to also come in truth
then I must say, I come in anger
in disappointment
I come shaking my head
at how much we are forgetting
at how much we are willing to give up
at how we take the same bait, and have the same fight,
over and over
at how we have drawn the same old battle lines
along the contours of genitalia
as if this identifies friends and enemies with any accuracy
at how we continue to be distracted by bullies
at how we continue to act as if our rights can be taken
we are the motherloving majority
in fact, if you consider that every single human being on this planet
was delivered through the legs
held by the hands
nursed at the breast
loved by the heart
of one of us
then we are already the ones in charge
and I can’t fathom
we continue to ask permission
we feel obliged to uphold this system
we fight when we have already won
we do not see our power
we entertain fools
we turn on each other
the first person who called me a slut
was not a famous radio personality
or a member of Congress
or even a boy I liked at school
but rather it was the girl
who liked the boy
I liked at school
that’s right
we are sisters to a point
that point usually stops
at the foot of a man
whatever man wears our collar
on the third finger of his left hand
our sisterhood ends on the button
that secures his jeans
let’s be honest
my sisters
it is our relationship with one another
that is tenuous
our genitalia doesn’t define our friendship
anymore than it defines this
supposed war
so let’s stop hiding behind it
let’s admit
that we’re not so sure of one another
let’s admit
that it’s easier to go to war
than it is to love
let’s admit
that it’s more familiar to fight for our freedom
than it is to live with it
let’s admit
that we may have learned how to survive
but we have not yet
learned how to thrive
let’s admit
that we do not
see ourselves clearly
when we look in the mirror
let’s admit
that the answer is not in Washington DC
or in this Capital Building
but it is in our homes
in our bedrooms
among one another
it is in our ability to stop cutting each other off
and leaving each other out
and judging each other’s choices
and letting each other struggle
and forgetting who we are
it is in our willingness to
claim our wisdom
own our sex
languish in our vulnerability
to teach what we know about love
and know there is enough to go around
our strength lies in remembering
that we know how our bodies work
that we can say ‘no’ with force
and ‘yes’ with abandon
and we can speak the direct truth
and we know with undeniable certainty
that no law, no declaration, no panel, no religion
has enough power to stand against us when we are truly united
and we can admit that if we are falling
it is not because we got pushed down
but because we let go
of each other’s hands
© Monica Day

Monday, May 26, 2014

Truth 4/30

A coaching session where I felt a little off.  Just not in my groove.  I wanted to be able to serve this woman more deeply than I think I did...

A beautiful, sweet, fun time playing with friends in the pool & having dinner.  I felt relaxed & part of community.  My heart surging watching one of the other Dad's help Trent.  And swelling with pride watching my fearless son in the pool & how talented he is playing drums.
I belong.

I love ginger ale & bourbon.  Yes I do.

Sunday, May 11, 2014


So, clearly, these posts are not going to be every day...
That *was* the plan, but:  damn the plan - I just can't get it together to write every day!
There will be Thirty Posts of Truth.

Today.  Tonight.  What is True, with a capital 'T'?

Right here.  Right now.

My body is a good kind of tired.  The kind that comes from doing some yoga (not today - yesterday) & being in the sun maybe just a little too much (that was today).

My mind feels smooth.

Earlier I felt over-tired & anxious.
I had things to do that I was avoiding.

I still have one challenging email to write, but I have a friend to check in with first - I don't want to write the email from a place of reactivity or collapse...
So, I reached out to a friend.  And, it's funny - she's a woman I've known a long time now & we've shared a lot - but, over the last several years, I've distanced myself from her.  I've created stories that she doesn't really like me.  That she's not 'on my team'...
But, I started to notice that when I was *actually with her* I liked her, I enjoyed her & I felt good being with her.
So, I've been slowly walking myself back onto the path of friendship & it feel tender.

And, this call I put out to her, it feels tender too.

It's about work, but not really.
It's about whether I'm valued.  Whether I'm being accepted or rejected.
It's about how do I go about valuing myself without being an entitled prima donna...

So, the Truth about my work right now is:  I don't have any paying clients.
The Truth is:  In the sessions I'm doing, there are moments that feel exquisite & other moments where I find myself trying to get somewhere.
The Truth is:  I'm terrified to put myself & my work out there.  Terrified of being rejected.  Terrified I'm actually no good at coaching or course leading.  Terrified I'll never make money at it.  Terrified I'll have to fall back on something else that's boring or that I hate & that I'll be stuck poor with two kids forever.

Monday, May 5, 2014

2/30 Ooops...

I forgot to write last night because I was having sex instead.

I'm not sorry.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Iara's Words - 16.5 Months

Sock (Gock)
Broccoli (Coc)
Shoe (Ish)
Hat (At)
Eye/Oyou (Ooyoo)
Nose/Narise (Nees)
Mouth/Boca (Boc)
Belly Button/Umbigo (Bigo)
Water/Agua (Agua-wa-wa)
Cracker/Pretzel/Snack (Caca)
Nurse (Nus)
Monkey/Macacca/Macaccou (Cacca/Caccou)
Kiss/Biejou (Bej)
No (said in the sweetest way)
Dog (Oof-Oof)
Cat (Mow)
Bird (Caw-caw)
Basketball (Bah-be-bah)

1/30 - Today I Forgot About My Daughter

Today is Day 1 of a challenge I set for myself - to write every day for the month of May & simply tell the truth:  Good.  Bad.  Beautiful.  Ugly.  Embarrassing.  Exciting.  Titillating.  Boring.
Whatever - so long as it's the truth for that day (or moment)...

(If I'd been more on it, I would have started May 1st, but - Oh well - that's sort of how my life goes these days)

So, today, I took the kids to the 5th birthday party of one of my son's best friends.  They've been in preschool together for the last three years & Trent just loves him.  And I really like their family.  And their youngest really like Iara.  Wins all 'round!

And we had a great time - until it came time for the Birthday Boy to open his presents & suddenly all the other children (including Trent) descended on the poor boy like f*cking vultures, offering to 'help' him open his presents; screaming; elbowing each other; and generally acting like little beasts.

This is a bad situation for Trent, who gets really overwhelmed, but can't seem to pull himself out of the group.  I could see he was starting to get frustrated, and he started pushing himself closer & yelling, and I kept having him move out of the group, or at least in the midst of kids I know he does well with (and who do well with him) - and away from a couple kids he was clearly 'sparking' with.

And then, after about 15 minutes of this, I suddenly realize I have no idea where Iara is!

And I had a mini panic attack.

And she was fine - standing about 10 feet away, seemingly totally in her own world.

Some other parents noticed all this & said they'd asked her if she wanted to come closer & she kept saying 'no'.

And I felt simultaneously relieved that other people had been taking care of Iara & *totally embarrassed* that I had been witnessed in the act of *forgetting all about my 16 month old daughter*!!!

Seriously, what kind of a parent does that?!?!?

I am losing my mind...