Thursday, September 15, 2011

On Being Alone

I was re-reading a quote by David Whyte I recently posted to my Facebook profile:  'To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy of your surroundings.' & enjoying the comments from friends about how they loved it, blah, blah, blah...

And I realized I was feeling abandoned *right then* & not really taking in my own advice (via the quote).

Sitting here in my own loneliness.  Some days a quote like that can crack the door just enough for a full inhalation to sweep in & clear my mind.  Tonight I feel stuck in it.

I stopped for a moment & looked around.  What are my surroundings?  What intimacy am I denying?  The soft light in my room, walls warmly painted, bed & comforter so cozy, new clean sheets, a cat for G-d's sake:  a real live warm fuzzy creature snuggled next to me, purring...

My heart still feels heavy.
Joy eludes me tonight.
I want, I want, I want, I want...something...something to feel different.
To know where I belong.
I am waiting for someone else to step forward & offer me a spot.  To say:  Here.  Come here.  You belong here.
And to hold me tight.

The only practice I know is to stay right here.  To feel it all.  To distract myself just a little.  And then to come back home to myself.  Again & again & again.

Sometimes it's not enough.

And, of course, it's always actually enough.


  1. Hey,

    I think blogging is one helpful antidote to the isolation of parenting and homeschooling. I blogged for a long time at ORC, had to shut that down, and am now returning with a new blog.

    Here's to coming home to ourselves again and again! :o)

  2. Hi! Curious how you found me?
    Nice to have 'company'...

  3. Well, actually, you contacted Annie at Sensible Living a long time ago because I'd shut down my other blog. I can't remember if I responded to that but thought, since I have a readable blog now, I'd respond now. Hope that doesn't seem too stalkerish.