Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Run Away

Run Away

is what most human beings would like to do a good deal of the time. It is the flight part of the fight or flight deeply in our bodies and our past, it is our protection, an evolutionary momentum and a biological memory deep in the human body that allowed our ancestors to survive to another day and bequeath to us, generations later, this day. To want to run away is an essence of being hum

an, it transforms any staying through the transfigurations of choice. To think about fleeing from circumstances, from a marriage, a relationship; from a work is part of the conversation itself and helps us understand the true distilled nature of our own reluctance. We are perhaps most fully incarnated as humans strangely, when part of us does not want to be here, or doesn’t know how to be here. Presence is only fully understood and realized through fully understanding our reluctance to show up.

To make a friend of the part of us that wants nothing to do with the difficulties of work, of relationship, of doing what is necessary, is to learn humility; to cultivate self-compassion and to sharpen a necessary sense of humor and a merciful approach to both self and other…

…We know intuitively that most of the time, we should not run, we should stay and look for a different way forward, … but we are wiser, more present, more mature, and more understanding when we realize we can never flee from the need to run away.

From Readers' Circle Essay, "Run Away"

©2011 David Whyte
I don't have much contact with mainstream media or reports on which famous people are doing what, so I may be way behind the times here...
But after I read about this over on Peerie Flooers, I am just loving the Pinkett-Smith family that much more:

On letting their daughter, Willow, shave her head, Jada Pinkett-Smith responded:  

"The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are constantly reminded that they don't belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power, or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit, and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes, and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be."

And Will Smith said:

"We let Willow cut her hair. When you have a little girl, it's like how can you teach her that you're in control of her body? If I teach her that I'm in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she's going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world. She can't cut my hair but that's her hair. She has got to have command of her body. So when she goes out into the world, she's going out with a command that is hers. She is used to making those decisions herself. We try to keep giving them those decisions until they can hold the full weight of their lives."

Thank freakin' G-d for parents willing to challenge themselves (and all of us in the process) to allow their children to be more than a reflection of themselves!

I would go further, and say we must teach both our daughters *and* sons that their bodies are their own, that their thoughts are their own, that they need not conform to societal 'norms' *nor* break them in simple rebellion - they are truly their own people.  Perfect & perfectly loved - for their own sake.

Not for us the approve or disapprove, not for our profit & gain, and not for furthering our ideals & ideas.

For.  Their.  Own.  Sake.

As Utah Phillips said in a speech he gave at the Washington State Young Writers Conference:  "You are about to be told one more time that you are America's most valuable natural resource.  Have you seen what they do to valuable natural resources?!  Have you seen a strip mine?  Have you seen a clear cut in the forest?  Have you seen a polluted river?  Don't ever let them call you a valuable natural resource!  They're going to strip mine your soul.  They're going to clear cut your best thoughts for the sake of profit unless you learn to resist, because the profit system follows the path of least resistance and following the path of least resistance is what makes the river crooked!"

Monday, November 26, 2012

Beauty & the Beast

Some days I notice the light shining through a brilliant red leaf & my perspective shifts so the whole world looks beautiful.

Some days I just can't see, or I don't notice & I miss all that beauty.

Some days I do notice & even all that beauty just isn't enough to soothe the broken feeling...

So..."Ring the bells that still can ring..."

On Fire

Trent:  What song is this, Mama?

Me:  This song is called 'I'm on Fire' & it's by Bruce Springsteen.

Trent (after a few moments & looking perplexed):  Where is he on fire?


Thursday, October 25, 2012

40/100 (A Continuation)


21.  File my taxes on time
22.  Be debt free
23.  Scuba dive
24.  Extended travel with my children
25.  Waldorf teacher training
26.  Discover my Life's Work
27.  Have a photography show
28.  Make pickles
29.  Can/preserve yearly
30.  Feel self-sufficient
31.  Trust {other people}
32.  Stop doubting myself as a mother
33.  Tell the Truth.  All the Truth, all the time.
34.  Work a polling center on election day
35.  Donate yearly to {at least 5} organizations I believe in
36.  Live in a home {that I LOVE} for over 5 years
37.  Dare to Dream
38.  Let go of the Dream{s} & Live NOW
39.  Get over {the potential of} my ex-husband

40.  Knit a sweater for myself

sculpture by Paige Bradley

I Flow. I Am.

Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.

In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.

And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Sonnets to Orpheus

Thursday, July 5, 2012

The Oh-So-Much-ness

My last post was March 10th.
That means it's been almost 4 months since I've posted anything.
The interesting thing to me is that it actually felt like longer...
Like another lifetime...

I've been caught up in Life, or, as I like to call it:  The Oh-So-Much-ness

Oh, so much cooking; Oh, so much cleaning; Oh, so much making music by hitting one object on another object (and the related: Oh, so much defining what can & cannot be used as a drum/drum stick...)...

Just now, I am at the end of day 5 of a 7-day yoga intensive.
I have laughed, I have cried, the muscles & bones in my mid-back are talking to me quite loudly; I have not slept nearly as much as I hoped I would (though I fall asleep in in class during Savasana & Pranayama every day).

I am missing my boy *intensely*...

The Dad messaged me that they slept in this meadow last night.
So much sadness, so much joy; I ache.

And, each day, my belly grows.
Who is this new little one?
Will s/he ever know this Dad?
So much joy, so much sadness; I ache.

Oh.  So.  Much.


Saturday, March 10, 2012

A Lot of Work

Conversation with Trent before bed.  He is building with his leggos.

Me:  Time to brush your teeth!

Trent:  I'm still working!  I have a lot of work to do...

Me:  OK - just a couple more minutes & then it's time for us to brush our teeth.

As I walk away, I hear Trent saying to himself:  A lot, a lot, a lot a LOT of work to do!

And, then, about two minutes later, he walks up to me & says:  OK Mama - I'm done.  Let's go brush our teeth.

Oh.  Wow.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Some Days I Win

Just now, I left Trent completely alone when he decided to eat honey out of one spoon with another spoon.  And I didn't even say anything about the sticky mess on the floor.  Yup - just wiped it right up with a sponge.

Sometimes the crazy voice inside my head that feels like everything is flying off into chaos (and it's up to me, alone, to control the chaos) quiets down a little & I win.

Friday, February 17, 2012

{These Moments}

{inspired by}

He asked to paint.  He even asked for the (T-shirt) smock to paint in.

Eating minor's lettuce.  That he found & identified.  All by himself.

First crocuses of spring!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Yoga -or- Living in a Body

I'm lying in bed, taking some time to read my favorite blogs.
Over the past 30 minutes or so that I've been lying here, I've noticed several times that I'm {unconsciously} gripping my upper inner thighs.
Each time I notice, I release.
5 or 10 minutes later, I'll notice it again.
This is the same thing I catch myself doing in the dentist's chair & lying in Savasana.
Sometimes I also clench my hands.
Standing in lines I invariably find myself standing more heavily on my right foot, with my left hip cocked out to the side.

This awareness + conscious release & realignment + breath is most of what I mean when I say 'yoga'.

Photo Credit:  Here

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Life Is Like This

I tend to vacillate between too much to say & nothing at all. 

I have about 20 partially-written blog posts, ranging from Waldorf education to my experience weaning to 2Pac to a love letter to my (emotionally) unavailable lover...  I wish I had 3 uninterrupted days (with my house already clean & my inbox empty) to write & write & write -and- I'm tempted to just delete them all & start fresh...

I tend to vacillate between feeling totally blessed & like a f&*king hopeless mess.

Lately I've been noticing how many unfinished knitting projects I have lying around.  I'm not drawn to completing any of them.  I'd rather find a new & exciting project to start...

This morning I yelled at Trent because I wanted to be left alone for a couple minutes in the bathroom.  He cried.  I cried.  Sometimes the never-ending-ness of (single) motherhood really gets to me & I just lose my sh*t.

This evening we shared an absolutely gorgeous time in the garden:  me pruning, Trent raking up the fallen branches & vines.  Then I said 'yes' to an impromptu trip to the ice cream shop before dinner.  And Trent adventured & played & rode his bike outside for an hour as the sky grew dark & I cooked amazing chicken & broccoli (that Trent asked for more & more & more of).

Life is just like that.

(chocolate ice cream coma)

(every day his sweet, open face breaks my heart.  he is teaching me how to really love.  and, also, forgiveness.)