Sunday, February 19, 2012

Some Days I Win

Just now, I left Trent completely alone when he decided to eat honey out of one spoon with another spoon.  And I didn't even say anything about the sticky mess on the floor.  Yup - just wiped it right up with a sponge.

Sometimes the crazy voice inside my head that feels like everything is flying off into chaos (and it's up to me, alone, to control the chaos) quiets down a little & I win.

Friday, February 17, 2012

{These Moments}

{inspired by}

He asked to paint.  He even asked for the (T-shirt) smock to paint in.

Eating minor's lettuce.  That he found & identified.  All by himself.

First crocuses of spring!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Yoga -or- Living in a Body

I'm lying in bed, taking some time to read my favorite blogs.
Over the past 30 minutes or so that I've been lying here, I've noticed several times that I'm {unconsciously} gripping my upper inner thighs.
Each time I notice, I release.
5 or 10 minutes later, I'll notice it again.
This is the same thing I catch myself doing in the dentist's chair & lying in Savasana.
Sometimes I also clench my hands.
Standing in lines I invariably find myself standing more heavily on my right foot, with my left hip cocked out to the side.

This awareness + conscious release & realignment + breath is most of what I mean when I say 'yoga'.

Photo Credit:  Here

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Life Is Like This

I tend to vacillate between too much to say & nothing at all. 

I have about 20 partially-written blog posts, ranging from Waldorf education to my experience weaning to 2Pac to a love letter to my (emotionally) unavailable lover...  I wish I had 3 uninterrupted days (with my house already clean & my inbox empty) to write & write & write -and- I'm tempted to just delete them all & start fresh...

I tend to vacillate between feeling totally blessed & like a f&*king hopeless mess.

Lately I've been noticing how many unfinished knitting projects I have lying around.  I'm not drawn to completing any of them.  I'd rather find a new & exciting project to start...

This morning I yelled at Trent because I wanted to be left alone for a couple minutes in the bathroom.  He cried.  I cried.  Sometimes the never-ending-ness of (single) motherhood really gets to me & I just lose my sh*t.

This evening we shared an absolutely gorgeous time in the garden:  me pruning, Trent raking up the fallen branches & vines.  Then I said 'yes' to an impromptu trip to the ice cream shop before dinner.  And Trent adventured & played & rode his bike outside for an hour as the sky grew dark & I cooked amazing chicken & broccoli (that Trent asked for more & more & more of).

Life is just like that.

(chocolate ice cream coma)

(every day his sweet, open face breaks my heart.  he is teaching me how to really love.  and, also, forgiveness.)