Thursday, September 16, 2010

If You Want to Change the World

If you want to change the world… love a woman-really love her.
Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense.
Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen.
Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing-
every winged one, every furry and scaled one,
every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one,
every not yet born and dying one…
Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life.
If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough.
If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet,
you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.
If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman
beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason,
beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety
and all your superficial concepts of freedom.
We have given ourselves so many choices
we have forgotten that true liberation
comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire
and burning through our resistance to Love.
There is only one Goddess.
Look into Her eyes and see-really see
if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.
If not, walk away. Right now.
Don’t waste time “trying.”
Know that your decision has nothing to do with her
because ultimately it’s not with who,
but when we choose to surrender.
If you want to change the world… love a woman.
Love her for life-beyond your fear of death,
beyond your fear of being manipulated
by the Mother inside your head.
Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her.
Say you’re willing to LIVE with her,
plant trees with her and watch them grow.
Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty,
by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess
through your adoration and devotion.
If you want to change the world… love a woman
in all her faces, through all her seasons
and she will heal you of your schizophrenia-
your double-mindedness and half-heartedness
which keeps your Spirit and body separate-
which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self
for something to make your life worth living.
There will always be another woman.
Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one
and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars,
trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire.
Man doesn’t need any more choices.
What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine,
of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing,
of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots
strong enough to hold the Earth together
while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin.
If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman .
Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel.
Love her through her fear of abandonment
which she has been holding for all of humanity.
No, the wound is not hers to heal alone.
No, she is not weak in her codependence.
If you want to change the world… love a woman
all the way through
until she believes you,
until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion,
her wildness have returned to her-
until she is a force of love more powerful
than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.
If you want to change the world,
lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs.
Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger
and love a woman…
beyond all of your striving for greatness,
beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment.
The holy grail stands before you
if you would only take her in your arms
and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.
What if peace is a dream which can only be re-membered
through the heart of Woman?
What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine
is the key to opening Her heart?
If you want to change the world…love a woman
to the depths of your shadow,
to the highest reaches of your Being,
back to the Garden where you first met her,
to the gateway of the rainbow realm
where you walk through together as Light as One,
to the point of no return,
to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.

--Lisa Citore

Monday, September 13, 2010

This, That & the Other

My little music maker now plays the harmonica, and well.
(I'll try to post a video soon)
He just astounds me.  Every musical instrument he finds, he picks up & learns to play in minutes.  He is a genius - I'm sure of it :)

I liked the guitar & I am very into his drum playing.
But the harmonica, I think, is my favorite yet.
My boy can play the blues!

At the same time, my heart is breaking.
I am sure of almost nothing these days.

(Trent just woke up in the middle of my writing, so I went in & we snuggled & nursed & I smelled his wonderful baby head & listened to him breathing & all was peaceful.)

In a world that made sense, The Dad & I - we would still be living together.
We would not hurt so badly around each other.
We would not scramble through the same damn maze, over & over again, only to find ourselves in the same damn dead end, with no fucking cheese.

Love, we are learning, is not enough.

I am praying more & doing yoga.
Reading Mary Oliver:

Wild Geese 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

And, so, I have begun my yoga teacher training.
It is intense & challenging & full & bright & exciting.
I like being a student again!

What a beautiful, broken, blessed world...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Thursday, September 2, 2010


                              (he is so unbelievably beautiful when he sleeps - it breaks my heart)

I fell asleep while putting Trent to bed (around 7:30p) tonight.

I woke up around 8:30p & felt so achingly lonely...
The house was dark & all the doors & windows were open & it was very, very still and quiet.

I think this is the (empty) place inside myself I need to sit in right now.

What to Say...?


I want to write; I don't want to write.

It's been over a month since my last post....

There is too much to say; I have nothing to say.

This pretty much says it all:

I would like to start writing here again.  I feel so inspired & grateful, and also intimidated by the other Blogging Mamas...
It is time to simply write whatever it is I have to say - for no other reason than to do write it - with no idea that I, or anyone else, will ever care what I have written or posted, but simply to write.

I hereby commit to writing *something* in this space at least every Sunday & Thursday evening, after Trent goes to sleep.  Until December.  So there.