Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Life Is Like This

I tend to vacillate between too much to say & nothing at all. 

I have about 20 partially-written blog posts, ranging from Waldorf education to my experience weaning to 2Pac to a love letter to my (emotionally) unavailable lover...  I wish I had 3 uninterrupted days (with my house already clean & my inbox empty) to write & write & write -and- I'm tempted to just delete them all & start fresh...

I tend to vacillate between feeling totally blessed & like a f&*king hopeless mess.

Lately I've been noticing how many unfinished knitting projects I have lying around.  I'm not drawn to completing any of them.  I'd rather find a new & exciting project to start...

This morning I yelled at Trent because I wanted to be left alone for a couple minutes in the bathroom.  He cried.  I cried.  Sometimes the never-ending-ness of (single) motherhood really gets to me & I just lose my sh*t.

This evening we shared an absolutely gorgeous time in the garden:  me pruning, Trent raking up the fallen branches & vines.  Then I said 'yes' to an impromptu trip to the ice cream shop before dinner.  And Trent adventured & played & rode his bike outside for an hour as the sky grew dark & I cooked amazing chicken & broccoli (that Trent asked for more & more & more of).

Life is just like that.

(chocolate ice cream coma)

(every day his sweet, open face breaks my heart.  he is teaching me how to really love.  and, also, forgiveness.)

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