1.19.13

How am I feeling? Overwhelmed. Sad. Also: kind of amazing.
I'm definitely in process right now. Plus, just-had-a-baby-hormonal - which is to say: high highs, low lows.
Admitting to making a mistake (in moving to Guerneville) has been SO hard & also liberating for me. I literally started crying the first time I said the words 'I made a mistake' out loud.
I have been vacillating between thinking there's something wrong with me *because* I need to ask for help, and thinking there's something wrong with me because I don't have more help...
And then, feeling kind of bad-ass for packing most of my home on my own, with a 3.5 year old & a 1 month old.
I am beyond grateful for the help I've gotten: meals, lovingly made & delivered, loads of my (way too much stuff) picked up & moved to my new home...
Often feeling 'what have I done to deserve such selfless help?'
Trying to let go of the need to have done something to deserve it...
Beauty & grief & gratitude & loss all overflowing out of my heart & eyes.
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go...